Process Addiction

Never knew there was such a thing. BUT it totally makes sense from a few observations I've made of late.

I've never worked outside the home as a mom. But from walking with some friend who have, I've learned some new things about parenting. And as a result, feel somewhat more 'normal' in my struggles.

Working a conventional job outside the home can bring with it a lot of instant (or at least semi-quick) results. You start a project to re-write a manual and, in time, it gets done and checked off the list! You're given a list of calls to make and reservations to secure and, after a few potential 'run arounds' with the airlines or hotel desk, voila! Mission accomplished. A sense of satisfaction ensues. Ah. Feels good.

Hmm. Don't quite get that same feeling from a cleaned baby butt (for the 4th time that day) or a healthy snack served (30 minutes after lunch). I haven't even mentioned yet the hard talks about issues of the heart that seem to go in one ear and out the other. No instant gratification there!

Then I learned recently about something called "process addiction". In an effort to suppress emotions or avoid other destructive behavior, some people develop a process addiction. The way I understand it, when a task gets successfully executed, a certain chemical is released in one's body that can become addictive. Hence we can develop this performance based identity and value that is a lie from the pit of hell.

I wonder if that is why, as mom's (especially mom's who once worked outside the home), we struggle with losing our identity in our mommy jobs. With little time to truly process emotions or get healed from past hurts, we throw ourselves into the tasks at hand but often end up disappointed and unsatisfied when the jobs are done. Or, worse yet, we beat ourselves up when we realize the jobs never really get done when we choose to invest the same time we could be doing the dishes in cuddling up with "Corderoy" and our 4 year old instead. (because that's not usually on our list to be checked off!) Maybe I'm not making any sense, but there's something to this and I must keep processing...