Once again, I have gotten to a place where there are about a dozen different topics floating around in my brain to blog about. Hats off to you faithful, regular bloggers out there!!!
I once heard it said "Discontentment is the seed of divorce." It makes sense. What do we do when we are not content with something? We find a way to satisfy the lack. And often times in marriage, that leads to wandering eyes, thoughts, desires, etc. all while "happily" married.
Not long ago, it occurred to me that this can apply to many areas of our lives. I thought of this in regards to my own wrestling with this pregnancy and the Lord's plans for our family, etc. During a recent sermon I heard, the challenge was put forth: "How many times does the Lord show us our promised land, our inheritance, and then we choose to settle for something else instead due to our discontentment with the 'plan'?" He was referencing a couple of the tribes of Israel that, instead of occupying the promised land on the West side of the Jordan, chose to settle on the eastern shore. After all, it made sense! They had cattle and the land was lush and prime to raising their herds. It was easy for them. It was not an unknown. It wasn't long before the land they were promised and supposed to occupy was overcome by their enemies. Their inheritance, promised by the Lord was stolen by the enemy. Hmmmm.
In that moment of hearing this story, I felt the Lord speak to my heart: "The land I've chosen for your inheritance is larger than what you thought." So this big family thing, this land of many children, is still larger than I realized. AUGH! That's another whole rabbit trail of thoughts....
So now I realize, if I allow discontentment to fester in my heart towards the Lord and His plan, I could easily end up divorcing myself from His promised land, His inheritance for me and the generations to come! I could allow myself to get distracted by this persons calling or that persons destiny. I could even get distracted by what is to come in other seasons of my own life. As difficult as it may be to settle this promised land that He is offering me now, I can only imagine the rewards that are awaiting us. After all, what could be better than the inheritance of the Lord!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"Mama said...
...there'd be days like this. There'd be days like this my mama said. mama said, mama said!" My, how many days this song goes through my head.....
Today was such a day. The following are two excerpts from "boil over" e-mails to a couple of friends:
Oh, I know you already are....but I could still really use some prayer regarding our house situation. I've been fighting not getting down about it. If I had more energy and felt better, it would do me good to get some little pre-moving projects done. At least I would feel like I was moving in that direction. It's been forever since I've even really cleaned the house, let alone projects. Oh well. Such is life right now. Jesus hasn't forgotten us. I know that. It's coming. I just have to keep telling myself even though there is no reason to believe it in the natural. That's faith though, right? The evidence of things not seen....
I did make it out to Kohls for a bit today and bought the sweetest little newborn layette set. I think I will hang it in my room to keep me smiling. I've also figured out that if I get rid of my night stand, I could fit a tiny bassinet next to my bed. I'd just have to find a place for a lamp and to set my glasses and clock.
(The question posed upon hearing our baby news was "Looks like you may need more space?")
Yes, more space. What a challenge at times to believe the Lord for His "above and beyond what we can ask or imagine" while being faced with so many opportunities to "settle" for something that works. Most people don't understand why we would hold out when we could make something work. Sometimes the dreams and desires He puts in our hearts just can't be explained to others. I held out for the man of my dreams and got even more than I'd hoped for. We held out, believing through 4 deliveries that I would go into labor on my own, but it didn't happen until the 5th one! BUT, it DID happen. We have too many other stories of the Lord's faithful provision to give up now. One thing is for sure, I don't want to miss the Lord's best because I lost my patience and lost hope.
Anyway, there's a bit of venting :-) We have so much to be grateful for...our family, our health, JESUS, laughter, our home, our food.......the list could go on and on. When it all boils down, without HIM, we truly have nothing. So grateful for Jesus!
Truly it amazes me to think, on a day like today, what would I do without the hope of Jesus? On a day when all I want to do is cry, eat chocolate and sleep, what would be my reason for thinking tomorrow would be better? What reason would I have for kicking myself in the butt for whining and telling myself to get a reality check? The reason is: THIS IS NOT MY REALITY! The supernatural, the things unseen, that's my reality. That's where life truly lies. How hard it is to "live" in that when you can't see it. I envy the "seers" out there. How comforting it would be to walk into my tiny house and see it packed out with angels. Or to have taken my pregnancy test and immediately gotten a thumbs up, visually, from Jesus himself. One more thing to hope for.....eyes to see.
Today was such a day. The following are two excerpts from "boil over" e-mails to a couple of friends:
Oh, I know you already are....but I could still really use some prayer regarding our house situation. I've been fighting not getting down about it. If I had more energy and felt better, it would do me good to get some little pre-moving projects done. At least I would feel like I was moving in that direction. It's been forever since I've even really cleaned the house, let alone projects. Oh well. Such is life right now. Jesus hasn't forgotten us. I know that. It's coming. I just have to keep telling myself even though there is no reason to believe it in the natural. That's faith though, right? The evidence of things not seen....
I did make it out to Kohls for a bit today and bought the sweetest little newborn layette set. I think I will hang it in my room to keep me smiling. I've also figured out that if I get rid of my night stand, I could fit a tiny bassinet next to my bed. I'd just have to find a place for a lamp and to set my glasses and clock.
(The question posed upon hearing our baby news was "Looks like you may need more space?")
Yes, more space. What a challenge at times to believe the Lord for His "above and beyond what we can ask or imagine" while being faced with so many opportunities to "settle" for something that works. Most people don't understand why we would hold out when we could make something work. Sometimes the dreams and desires He puts in our hearts just can't be explained to others. I held out for the man of my dreams and got even more than I'd hoped for. We held out, believing through 4 deliveries that I would go into labor on my own, but it didn't happen until the 5th one! BUT, it DID happen. We have too many other stories of the Lord's faithful provision to give up now. One thing is for sure, I don't want to miss the Lord's best because I lost my patience and lost hope.
Anyway, there's a bit of venting :-) We have so much to be grateful for...our family, our health, JESUS, laughter, our home, our food.......the list could go on and on. When it all boils down, without HIM, we truly have nothing. So grateful for Jesus!
Truly it amazes me to think, on a day like today, what would I do without the hope of Jesus? On a day when all I want to do is cry, eat chocolate and sleep, what would be my reason for thinking tomorrow would be better? What reason would I have for kicking myself in the butt for whining and telling myself to get a reality check? The reason is: THIS IS NOT MY REALITY! The supernatural, the things unseen, that's my reality. That's where life truly lies. How hard it is to "live" in that when you can't see it. I envy the "seers" out there. How comforting it would be to walk into my tiny house and see it packed out with angels. Or to have taken my pregnancy test and immediately gotten a thumbs up, visually, from Jesus himself. One more thing to hope for.....eyes to see.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Choices
I did a foolish thing last night. After doing some after-bedtime grocery shopping in preparation for making applesauce today, I slowly made my way over to the coffee shop at Wegmans to treat myself to a decaf. latte. After coming home and unpacking, I began my pursuit to clear off the dining room table which required organization of some of last year's school stuff(it's a long story). Anyway, about 9:30 or so, I started to feel a second wind coming on. I knew I should really be dragging worse than I was at the store. Suddenly it dawned on me....I forgot to ask for decaf!!!!! Augh! I am pretty caffeine sensitive. So I just decided to cash in on this quiet time to get some things done. After working on our business for awhile, organizing the school papers and doing a few other misc. tasks, I decided to at least try to lay down and sleep. By now it was past 11pm. So I laid there and, you guessed it, I wrote another post in my head. But to my surprise, I did fall asleep relatively quickly. Now I'm up too early with the boys so here's my chance....how was that for an intro?
Let me preface all that is to come by saying that my children are WONDERFUL. They are amazingly, powerful little creations who really make parenting a joy....most of the time, well, lately it's more like just a lot of the time. There seems to be an infiltration of disrespect and dishonor in our house lately. Hmm, just had a thought, is this possibly due to our influence as parents? Have Brian and I been more unloving lately? I'll have to talk to Jesus about that thought....later.
Anyway, this disrespect has played itself out in the form of yelling, nasty talk, dirty looks and just general meanness. It has truly thrown me for a loop since my children have never shown this type of behavior with such intensity and frequency. It's primarily the girls, although the boys are picking up on bits and pieces. But the girls are aiming this ugliness towards each other and us, their parents! Now, in the past, we would have come down with the hammer to attempt to control this behavior. You know, fear tactics, "do this or else...", bullying methods, etc. But since we have learned that truly we cannot control our children (nor should we try), it has taken our parenting to a whole new level of challenge.
In the moment of conflict (or sometimes a bit later to let the steam subside), we help them identity the "mess" they have made with whomever the victim is in the moment. They have learned that when they can recognize the mess, it is their responsibility to "clean it up", with sincerity. This has been a pretty effective approach (thanks, Danny Silk). It helps them identify disconnected relationship and causes them to evaluate why disconnection is not cool. They are learning to choose love.....hopefully. However, lately it seems that these incidences are so frequent and recurring, I wonder if they are really having a heart change...
Anyway, I realized in bed last night, I suppose it is much better for them to learn to choose the way of love, honor and respect at this age than to try to control them as toddlers/children only to have them realize as pre-teens that truly they cannot be controlled. By that point, time would not be on our side for building true, covenant relationship and teaching the value of choosing love.
But, man, this has not been fun. Being pregnant (thus hormonal and exhausted much of the time) has not been helpful to me in having grace for their immaturity. Truly, if God can see us in our immaturity and not count it as rebellion, than I need to have the same perspective of my children. It's sure been a challenge for me to have that kind of understanding love. Yet I know it's that love that will win their affections for life! My heart is hurt. I feel disrespected, unappreciated and undefended. I have found myself being on the defensive much of the time. Lately, it is even hard to just be with the girls at times. Just being honest. It wears on me.
I love my children deeply. They are each so unique, so special. They make me laugh. They teach me sooo much about Jesus and the kingdom! The Lord has such great things in store for them in the years to come as well as today! Jesus, give me grace to love them right in this place of immaturity knowing that you constantly show me that same love and grace. I wouldn't trade this calling for anything!
Let me preface all that is to come by saying that my children are WONDERFUL. They are amazingly, powerful little creations who really make parenting a joy....most of the time, well, lately it's more like just a lot of the time. There seems to be an infiltration of disrespect and dishonor in our house lately. Hmm, just had a thought, is this possibly due to our influence as parents? Have Brian and I been more unloving lately? I'll have to talk to Jesus about that thought....later.
Anyway, this disrespect has played itself out in the form of yelling, nasty talk, dirty looks and just general meanness. It has truly thrown me for a loop since my children have never shown this type of behavior with such intensity and frequency. It's primarily the girls, although the boys are picking up on bits and pieces. But the girls are aiming this ugliness towards each other and us, their parents! Now, in the past, we would have come down with the hammer to attempt to control this behavior. You know, fear tactics, "do this or else...", bullying methods, etc. But since we have learned that truly we cannot control our children (nor should we try), it has taken our parenting to a whole new level of challenge.
In the moment of conflict (or sometimes a bit later to let the steam subside), we help them identity the "mess" they have made with whomever the victim is in the moment. They have learned that when they can recognize the mess, it is their responsibility to "clean it up", with sincerity. This has been a pretty effective approach (thanks, Danny Silk). It helps them identify disconnected relationship and causes them to evaluate why disconnection is not cool. They are learning to choose love.....hopefully. However, lately it seems that these incidences are so frequent and recurring, I wonder if they are really having a heart change...
Anyway, I realized in bed last night, I suppose it is much better for them to learn to choose the way of love, honor and respect at this age than to try to control them as toddlers/children only to have them realize as pre-teens that truly they cannot be controlled. By that point, time would not be on our side for building true, covenant relationship and teaching the value of choosing love.
But, man, this has not been fun. Being pregnant (thus hormonal and exhausted much of the time) has not been helpful to me in having grace for their immaturity. Truly, if God can see us in our immaturity and not count it as rebellion, than I need to have the same perspective of my children. It's sure been a challenge for me to have that kind of understanding love. Yet I know it's that love that will win their affections for life! My heart is hurt. I feel disrespected, unappreciated and undefended. I have found myself being on the defensive much of the time. Lately, it is even hard to just be with the girls at times. Just being honest. It wears on me.
I love my children deeply. They are each so unique, so special. They make me laugh. They teach me sooo much about Jesus and the kingdom! The Lord has such great things in store for them in the years to come as well as today! Jesus, give me grace to love them right in this place of immaturity knowing that you constantly show me that same love and grace. I wouldn't trade this calling for anything!
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