So tonight I was letting the girls feel around on my belly and find their baby sisters various body parts. 'Timothy' was watching in his high chair and asked to get down so he could feel too.
When he touched my belly and felt her move, he asked with excitement, "Can I open it up, can I????" We laughed and then 'Elizabeth' told him, "Very soon you can open it up." AUGH! Wrong promise. He then went running through the house singing "I can open it up! I can open it up! I can open it up! Oh, dank yu, mommy! I can open it up!"
Thankfully 3 year olds have short memories and I still have WAY LONG to go for him to remember his sister's promise. Although, she has already suggested we wrap the baby up in a box in the hospital and let him open "it" up! Fun times.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Process Addiction
Never knew there was such a thing. BUT it totally makes sense from a few observations I've made of late.
I've never worked outside the home as a mom. But from walking with some friend who have, I've learned some new things about parenting. And as a result, feel somewhat more 'normal' in my struggles.
Working a conventional job outside the home can bring with it a lot of instant (or at least semi-quick) results. You start a project to re-write a manual and, in time, it gets done and checked off the list! You're given a list of calls to make and reservations to secure and, after a few potential 'run arounds' with the airlines or hotel desk, voila! Mission accomplished. A sense of satisfaction ensues. Ah. Feels good.
Hmm. Don't quite get that same feeling from a cleaned baby butt (for the 4th time that day) or a healthy snack served (30 minutes after lunch). I haven't even mentioned yet the hard talks about issues of the heart that seem to go in one ear and out the other. No instant gratification there!
Then I learned recently about something called "process addiction". In an effort to suppress emotions or avoid other destructive behavior, some people develop a process addiction. The way I understand it, when a task gets successfully executed, a certain chemical is released in one's body that can become addictive. Hence we can develop this performance based identity and value that is a lie from the pit of hell.
I wonder if that is why, as mom's (especially mom's who once worked outside the home), we struggle with losing our identity in our mommy jobs. With little time to truly process emotions or get healed from past hurts, we throw ourselves into the tasks at hand but often end up disappointed and unsatisfied when the jobs are done. Or, worse yet, we beat ourselves up when we realize the jobs never really get done when we choose to invest the same time we could be doing the dishes in cuddling up with "Corderoy" and our 4 year old instead. (because that's not usually on our list to be checked off!) Maybe I'm not making any sense, but there's something to this and I must keep processing...
I've never worked outside the home as a mom. But from walking with some friend who have, I've learned some new things about parenting. And as a result, feel somewhat more 'normal' in my struggles.
Working a conventional job outside the home can bring with it a lot of instant (or at least semi-quick) results. You start a project to re-write a manual and, in time, it gets done and checked off the list! You're given a list of calls to make and reservations to secure and, after a few potential 'run arounds' with the airlines or hotel desk, voila! Mission accomplished. A sense of satisfaction ensues. Ah. Feels good.
Hmm. Don't quite get that same feeling from a cleaned baby butt (for the 4th time that day) or a healthy snack served (30 minutes after lunch). I haven't even mentioned yet the hard talks about issues of the heart that seem to go in one ear and out the other. No instant gratification there!
Then I learned recently about something called "process addiction". In an effort to suppress emotions or avoid other destructive behavior, some people develop a process addiction. The way I understand it, when a task gets successfully executed, a certain chemical is released in one's body that can become addictive. Hence we can develop this performance based identity and value that is a lie from the pit of hell.
I wonder if that is why, as mom's (especially mom's who once worked outside the home), we struggle with losing our identity in our mommy jobs. With little time to truly process emotions or get healed from past hurts, we throw ourselves into the tasks at hand but often end up disappointed and unsatisfied when the jobs are done. Or, worse yet, we beat ourselves up when we realize the jobs never really get done when we choose to invest the same time we could be doing the dishes in cuddling up with "Corderoy" and our 4 year old instead. (because that's not usually on our list to be checked off!) Maybe I'm not making any sense, but there's something to this and I must keep processing...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Where in the world....?
So how does this happen? How does 2 months go by without taking the time for even the simplest of posts? Oh well...
I think I may know....in short, this pregnancy has been ROUGH! Boy does it make me grateful for how easy the last 5 have been. Hospital tests, a trip to the ER, countless days on the couch when I'm supposed to be in my 2nd trimester glory.....enough is ENOUGH! The worst is when my kids come to me and say "When are you going to be able to do things with us again?" That is where I draw the line! I totally feel like I've been stolen from....like I've let the enemy hold a party a my expense.
About a month ago, while I was in the thick of this prego muck, a friend approached me at church and shared some things with Brian and I. He said that the Lord showed him this baby was a girl (he was right) and that there was an assignment of the enemy against her. Ah-ha! He then proceeded to tell me that the Lord showed him that she had a calling/anointing to be a warrior.....along with my 5th, 'Timothy', who's real name means "Little fire" (thankful to know we got that one right!). He then went on to specifically say that we would see evidence of this calling in 15 years. WHAT? Do you know how old I will be in 15 years? Talk about patience and faith (the evidence of things not seen....for 15 years!!!). Parenting, by far, is the hardest job on the planet!
Anyway, since that word, my yucka symptoms have slowly minimized. Even my family doc said to keep on with the prayers because they are working even though something was definitely 'wrong' in my body. Good stuff. And the Lord told me recently that the enemy has been coming to me as a "counterfeit warrior" - persistent but powerless. That has lit a fire under my butt to keep the Truth in front of my face and get back on the offensive.
So with 10 (probably more like 12) weeks left, we are still praying for a name for this sweet little warrior while we try to figure out where the heck she is going to sleep in our blessed little house!!!!
I think I may know....in short, this pregnancy has been ROUGH! Boy does it make me grateful for how easy the last 5 have been. Hospital tests, a trip to the ER, countless days on the couch when I'm supposed to be in my 2nd trimester glory.....enough is ENOUGH! The worst is when my kids come to me and say "When are you going to be able to do things with us again?" That is where I draw the line! I totally feel like I've been stolen from....like I've let the enemy hold a party a my expense.
About a month ago, while I was in the thick of this prego muck, a friend approached me at church and shared some things with Brian and I. He said that the Lord showed him this baby was a girl (he was right) and that there was an assignment of the enemy against her. Ah-ha! He then proceeded to tell me that the Lord showed him that she had a calling/anointing to be a warrior.....along with my 5th, 'Timothy', who's real name means "Little fire" (thankful to know we got that one right!). He then went on to specifically say that we would see evidence of this calling in 15 years. WHAT? Do you know how old I will be in 15 years? Talk about patience and faith (the evidence of things not seen....for 15 years!!!). Parenting, by far, is the hardest job on the planet!
Anyway, since that word, my yucka symptoms have slowly minimized. Even my family doc said to keep on with the prayers because they are working even though something was definitely 'wrong' in my body. Good stuff. And the Lord told me recently that the enemy has been coming to me as a "counterfeit warrior" - persistent but powerless. That has lit a fire under my butt to keep the Truth in front of my face and get back on the offensive.
So with 10 (probably more like 12) weeks left, we are still praying for a name for this sweet little warrior while we try to figure out where the heck she is going to sleep in our blessed little house!!!!
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