Okay, okay, I know I might seem a bit of a fanatic about this "word" topic. It's something the Lord has been working in me for awhile and I just have to get it down in writing!
Whether we like it or not, our words help to shape our children's understanding of their identity. For example, early on in parenting, I learned from someone wise that when I praise my children by saying "good girl!" I am really saying "you are good because of how you just performed" or "your goodness is rooted in what you do or don't do." I know this may seem picky, but it's really true! The Bible clearly states that we are good, or righteous, simply because Jesus made us that way when we chose to believe in Him by faith. (Check out the book of Romans for more on that.)
However, it is good and necessary to affirm our children for their good choices, Godly behavior or simply a job, well done! "Great job!" "Well done!" There are many other ways to encourage our children in this area. Sometimes, I even follow-up my affirmation with a reminder that I would have loved him/her just as much if he/she had made a poor choice or not done as well at a task. They need to know that they are good just because Jesus made them that way and NOT as a result of what they do. We all need to know this, not just as "head knowledge" but in our spirits and souls! Oh, how much heartache I would have saved myself over the years if I grew up being fully convinced of this unconditional love, acceptance and gift of righteousness!
Jesus, let our children NEVER doubt the truth of their identity: they have been made righteous. Period.
4 comments:
Yes, I agree with you! I know I've encouraged by saying "good boy" to my sons. I often say to my husband that I can't talk and think at the same time. Maybe that's why Proverbs says that a righteous man studies how to answer.
Proverbs 15:28
"The mind of the [uncompromisingly] righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things."
I remember hearing you share this, maybe a year ago, and it really hit home with me. I wanted Scarlett to know that she was good regardless of what she did. Since then, both Not-So-Classic and I have tried to tell our kids "great job" instead of "good boy." Thank you for this truth.
Oops!! I was signed on as Cate!That last comment was really me. ;)
In the preschool classes my son attended, they give a lot of praise for every effort the kids make and are always very specific as to what they are praising. One time after he handed me his sippy cup from the backseat of the car, he said, "Good reaching, Mommy!"
On a more serious note, he is having a hard time learning that what he does is not who he is. He seems to feel that one mistake makes him a failure or a dummy or not able to be a child of God any longer. We are working on and praying about this topic a lot.
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