Okay, I'm probably going to step on some toes now, maybe even stomp on the feet of some....but it's worth the risk. Remember, I'm just one person on a journey with Jesus...
Perfectionism. As a recovering addict, I can speak with some measure of authority. Jesus kicked me in the butt some years ago when He told me that "perfectionism" is not a character quality given by Him. He did not "wire" me to be a "perfectionist." Rather, He created me to be one who appreciates excellence and gives attention to detail. However, anything that causes my source of peace and identity to be in something other than Jesus, CANNOT be given to me by my Father. My experience with perfectionism was one of unrest, striving, insecurity and self-condemnation. Sound familiar?
So why is it that we allow this gift of determination and thoroughness to be misdirected into something that steals so much of life, so many of the fruits of the spirit from us?! I really think it goes back to this identity thing and a lack of revelation of how much we are loved by our Daddy JUST BECAUSE of who we are! It's one thing to find pleasure and satisfaction in the things we were created to do. But I believe a line is crossed (into "perfectionism") when our ability to "successfully" execute those things defines our own measure of success and confidence. If I can't even approve of myself in those times, how can I receive approval and unconditional love from my Daddy!?
One practical way this plays out in my life is my attempt to be intentional about not apologizing to others for the state of my house. Why does it matter? Really, I'm concerned about what they will think of me since I have already judged myself harshly as a failure in keeping my house neat. Instead, I quietly remind myself of the things that matter eternally and then allow Jesus to tell me what HE thinks about me. I know in my head that He sees me as righteous, but sometimes it's nice to hear it again....and again...and again.....I'm a little thick sometimes :-) So if you come in my house and find me apologizing for it's state of being, hopefully it's only because I am truly concerned for your safety as you traverse over and around the toys, laundry, craft scraps and dust bunnies (they are pretty soft, though! :-)
Ahh, the journey continues. Help me Jesus!
6 comments:
Susan, you are so great. :) I totally agree with you! While I sometimes apologize for the appearance of our house, it's usually not because I'm really sorry. It just sounds "good". I'll have to remember what you said for the next time I have visitors over!! I know that I never say that when really close friends come over--I know they're not coming over to see my clean house. They actually like me! :) I love you girlie and keep sharing what God is showing you. It's wonderful! :)
I too have struggled with perfectionism and I thought what you shared was a blessing. Can't say much more than that because I am digesting it all because I thought you wrote out some great stuff in this post. Thank you for your openness.
This was cool to read, because this is a similar conversation that has been going on between Jesus and me too. Jesus has also been showing me that I am too harsh on myself and think that people are thinking such and such about me...when really I am the one that am thinking that way about myself - go figure!
I need to realize that I am safe and secure in His arms - and ask Him what He wants to do in my life at that moment in the day...He is a great guide! Speaking of which, I need to go and get something done in the house! (not for company, but for my family!)
It's like understanding "The Proverbs 31 woman"...
First - 31:10 (An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.) Check out all the different words used in the english translations to describe her.
The word there for excellent is acutally chayil which literally means - of strength, might, efficiency, wealth, of an army.
However, in all the English translations, I want to note - that none of them allude to perfection.
However, excellence, worth, virtue, value, meaning etc. - these are from the Lord. The Lord doesn't expect perfection - for perfection can be only found in Him.
"The Proverbs 31 woman" has often been an oppressive and controlling passage to women - while it, in the reality of God's grace, should be liberating and an issuance of freedom to women to voice and laud the giftings that have been graced upon her.
It's a high standard, but only when compared to earthly standards...
We are not of this world...
To be all that God has created and destined us to be - He knows already what we are capable of, and through our obedience to His call do we realize what our all actually is.
The Lord gives us the faith - He already knows how much we can muster. He tests us to show us what He already knows we are fully capable of doing.
He's so full of awesome grace...abounding.
AMEN!! An ongoing weakness manifested in this woman of God remains what other people think!! I have improved much in this area over the last several years, however.
My improvement is rooted in the many revelations of Jesus' love for me and the most awesome miracle of all...I like myself, even love myself. That revelation was definitely a miracle in my life, because for many, many years I struggled with a sense of self-worth.
I have much potential in Jesus, and I am His treasure, but my flesh still gets me when others can't see who God made me to be. Jesus and I are working on this though.
Concerning myself about others' opinions of me should not waste the valuable energy I need to Love those hurting and speak life and restoration to those drowning in the schemes of the evil one.
"Ahh, the journey continues. Help me Jesus!" I like that quote!!!
You are a blessing!!!! Thank you!!!!
Your post was refreshing! It was also a reminder that I am not alone. Thanks!
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